"This website is only focus on this OC, my obsession with her got me bad.."

Most art that are featured are drawn by me (Ra1Nb0w) , most GIFs are credited to the owners!!

Most of the resources are from this rentry!! There's many cool sites in here!

ABOUT

"Hi, just, Ra1ne. I-I’m sorry, not much of a talker when it comes to this. There isn’t a lot about me, sorry.. I’m the least fun person to be around. It's not that I dislike you, I'd preferably.. won't stay around 'me' for too long. Please, you won't e-earn much talking to me."

Ra1ne W1ll1am is basically another AU of my OTHER Oc; Rainbow William. If I could just sum it up to describe her, it.. would be complicated. Describing her in just some words doesn't technically explain her being. It feels like that because I didn't want her to be easily defined. No humans are easily defined.

She was created in around 2021 when I was obsessed with South Park. (embarassing ik) And ever since, I couldn't stop obsessing over Ra1ne rather than the original character that's existed way older than her. It has been YEARS and I HAVE NOT STOP OBSESSING OVER HER. I LOVE HER SO MUCH

website created like around March 2025

Type: Humanoid [Late bloomer]

Age: Physically 29 years old, Biologically 88 years old [Born around 1937]

Gender: Genderfluid

Sexuality: Pansexual

Ethnicity: American, German mixed Japanese

Blood type: O-

Alignment: True Neutral

Status: CANONLY single

LOVES Desserts/Pastries, junk food, baking, science(Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Astronomy, etc), mathematics, LOVED ONES, history, culture, intellectual, candles, sculptures, movies, winter, lamps, art, philosophy, experimenting, books & poetry, music, solitude, animals, nature, flowers & herbs, money, scratching, multitasking, logic, exploration, RAIN, snow, instruments, creativity, sunlight, seen as masculine, collecting, masks, honesty, crocheting, painting, sculpting, baking, archery, writing, embroidery, pottery, reading, learning new languages, boxing, shooting, Martial Arts, knitting, collecting, origami, woodworking, parkour, Knife throwing, encaustics.

MORE? :3 (PROBLEMATIC: I DO NOT GLAMORIZE, ROMANTICIZED OR CONDEMN THEM)

MEN'S BODY, human flesh, human anatomy, torture(includes medieval and historical), death, pain, firearms, weaponry, disaster-touris, drugs, disease, Nazism, cults, nuclear accidents, mental disorders, execution methods, tragedy, taxidermy, skulls, islamic terrorism, anthropophagy, injuries, mutations, teratology, human decomposition, burial rites, moritician, forensic entomology, plague, epidemics, the holocaust, suicide, radiation, medical abnormalities, dictators..

NEUTRAL Getting mistreated, lazy people, toxic people, environmental hazards, obnoxious know-it-all people, natural disasters, reckless people, people thats lacks empathy, immature people, cheap quality, getting teased, close-minded people, ignorant people, being understimated, getting babied, seen as helpless, selfish people, alcholics, dopamine addicts, manipulators, liars, sarcasm, men.

HATES Most BUGS & INSECTS, VEGGIES & FRUITS, eye-contact, organizing, tight shoes, crowds, loud noises, slacking off, injustice, LOVED ONES GETTING HURT, scratching something slippery, basic chores, not learning anything new, animals getting mistreated, being slow, verbal instructions that lacks visual, children, sleeping, lowering guard down, misinformation, board games... MIRRORS, pukes, being wrong, socialising(especially when it comes to women) compared to ------,SEEN AS A SEXUAL OBJECT, MISOGYNY, ABLEISM, RACISM, TRANSPHOBES, HOMOPHOBES, RAPIST, PEDOS, HUMANS.

This is LONG, I have yet to include all of her traits. Just read this either way :3

'Ra1ne has a range of personality that makes her multi-leveled; this could lead to traits contradicting each-other pretty often, but her dominant, primary traits are being timid, anxious, and paranoid. Ra1ne barely socialised with anybody new unless it is necessary to do so, her being anxious makes her a fidgety person too. Her paranioa is also another reason why her timidity manifested. Her paranioa makes her enervated, and inhibited, this would be challenging for her to lower her guard down moreso when she's at the highest stake where she expected any negative outcomes that could be inevitable. However, even if she lacks courage being in public spaces or interacting with others, that does not mean she's a coward whatsoever. Before elaborating, Ra1ne has a huge soft spot for her loved ones, this applies to close friends, romantical partner, family, anything/anyone she's fond of. This made Ra1ne a loyal person, she doesn't have any reason to be unfaithful unless she has a valid, reasonable one.

That being said, Ra1ne can be brave at times though that's mainly due to her impulsivity that could lead her to be deemed as reckless by others. Things that triggers her being daring is when witnessing injustice OR seeing her loved ones getting mistreated. But this doesn't apply to her, as she lacks respect for herself resulting in being a punching-bag/doormat for others. She actually doesn't know how to stand up for herself, she view herself in a negative spotlight to even defend against insults cause she believes those remarks about herself therefore Ra1ne DOES need somebody to help her defend herself.

Other than that, Ra1ne is also childish and immature occassionally even despite her grown age. Only friends she's close with are able to witness this certain part of her personality, which is really a huge deal because she barely trust anybody without overthinking about their intentions. Ra1ne is a cynical person thus you could already tell she didn't have much close friends considering how she is. Even so, there's some part where she can act petty or immature whenever she felt like her ego or knowledge is getting threaten. This would be subtle if it were to be with acquaintance or strangers in general, nonetheless, it's still there. This specfic trait of her shine because she has a competitive spirit, this uneasiness would also make her shy away from any challenges since she takes 'fun games' pretty seriously. She dislikes losing, still, she doesn't make a fuss about it after hours pass.

Times where she's frustrated, is when engaging with 'basic' activites. Ra1ne struggles with basic chores and simple stuff that most people would see it as that. She finds it frustrating that she's lacking ability to do anything simple such as tying in general, cooking, cleaning, organizing, folding clothes, laundry, doing dishes, etc. This would worsen her further humilation for herself that she avoid participating those tasks and rather do much more complicated. She also finds it hard to follow complex instructions through verbal means rather than having a paper or something to visual the things she needs to do. Otherwise, she would freak out before being able to do anything. She's easily overwhelmed and emotional when she's getting triggered over something she unable to do properly. Those are the most chances of her crashing out tbh.

Talking about childishness and immaturity, this could lead her being impatient and lose her temper.. that is rarely or sometimes. Ra1ne would be impatient whenever she felt bored, perhaps having nothing to do or lacking any dopamine to keep her going seeing she's also a hyperactive person. Waiting for more than HOURS felt like a nightmare for her, even if she tried her best to 'like' it. Especially when she's trying her best not do set up any high expectations to see if 'something' was worth the wait, even though it is one thing that keeps her going if she has no reason to keep her composure. Anything that just she dislikes in general could make her annoyed, this is especially heavy when she doesn't talk about herself too much so people would accidentally make her irritated or uncomfortable. It isn't enough to make her angry, just mildly annoyed, it's only a problem when they kept doing it in spite of Ra1ne already stating multiple times that she's not okay with 'that'. Now THAT would make her lose her patience, in the aftermath; she would felt really guilty about it even though it is somewhat justifiable. Either way, she can still be patient and understanding most of the time, alongside being mature.

You might've expect Ra1ne to be stoic from times to times. I could say is the opposite, she's an expressive person in terms of body lanugage, expression AND the tone of her voice. It also gotten to the point she doesn't even notice them, it just happens subconsiously. Ra1ne's reaction could be somewhat exaggerated or overly dramatic, this could heavily include with negative emotions[Exclude sadness]. I wouldn't say it's the same with positive reaction, it's difficult to tell if she's in a positive mood since she barely smiles or incapable of doing so. The way you could tell that Ra1ne IS indeed in a positive mood is the way her eyes lighten up, the tone of her voice and her body movement. Those three would be a huge sign for her emotions as she has difficulty expressing emotions, in addition to regulating or detecting her feelings and emotions.

Ra1ne is easily fascinated by the simplest things of life, or how the world, universe works as a whole. It was one of the trait that stayed with her ever since she was a kid, and this was able to make her entertain without needing something more. It's easy for her to get impressed, and earn her interest if you played your cards right. This fascination could as well affect on her attention span, she finds everything interesting which incites her curiosity and worsen her lack of concentration, even during events or situation that is necessary for her to pay attention. I don't think she ever noticed how she spaced out whenever she set her eyes onto something she think it needs to be analysed, she's painfully self-aware of this but it's completely out of her control. Her being distracted is another reason why she tends to get lost with unfamiliar surroundings, this happens less with areas she's acquianted with.

Ra1ne is an oblivious person, which is occassionally so it doesn't happen too frequently. This is perhaps from the fact she's naturally a slow person; leading to her reacting kinda leisurely. The time where she does know what the person meant, it would be like a build up so gradually she would be annoyed at herself for not catching on immediately. She's more likely to be oblivious at people mocking her, sarcasm, even including flirty remarks. Her being slow is another reason why she lacks social cues, it just happens to go over head if anybody was being subtle about it, specially because she's the type to be more open of how she felt, straight-forward, and being brutally-honest without any intention of sounding like a jerk. Although Ra1ne is naturally a soft-spoken person, and tends to use formal words, she could unintentionally sound harsh with her wording even if she rarely use vulgar language.

Ra1ne unable to differentiate platonic and romantic intentions, this is due of her social cues and being slow. Mainly from her upbringing, she have frienzoned anybody who flirts with her cause she assumed they wanted to be friends which she is happy to accept it at one point. She isn't really aware of anything subtle wherefore being straightforward is one thing that she would more likely acknowledge, she's the person who would reject anybody who likes her romantically unwittingly. Her interest in dating is nuanced: Ra1ne rarely displayed any romantic inclinations or perversions. She's somewhat apethetic to the prospect of romance, traditional romance for the most part. The thought of staying with a person, generally men, bores her. Marriage and kids? Fuck that. She settles with dating but she doesn't necessarily focused on that. Her true love is only weaponry and firearm..

What about when anybody flirts with her with intentions? (Like sexual intention) She definetely noticed when anybody does that towards her, the eyes says everything so it irks her at best. Ra1ne experienced this too much in her childhood that it just imprinted in her brain to recognized it.

Did I ever mention that she could be clumsy? This stems from her being impulsive and reckless although, this trait was more focused on an issue with proprioception, the sense of body position and movement, and motor coordination. In cases like this, I doubt she's irresponsible nor lazy. Ra1ne is hardworking, let alone dedicated, even if she struggles to be graceful, that doesn't stop her from performing tasks or anything really. She has already developed a habit of needing to do something, so even if she brought risks to her well-being, she honestly like that thrill of knowing the danger of it. Yes, she also has bad luck. More than that, she's forgetful. She's more prone to forget strangers or acquinatance's names, features and informations as she assumed they're irrelevent to her. She doesn't exactly put any effort in remembering them if they're not her friends, even if she's forgetful, she ended up making nicknames for them to be at least memorable while dismissing their whole existence. What's worse, she's prone to memory gaps due to her dissociating; it's difficult for her to stay on track without forgetting.(Yes, this could count as amnesic barriers)

Ra1ne is a talkactive person, not with strangers or speaking in public spaces. She's actually loquacious when it comes to topics she's hyperfixated on, she could go on for hours without getting tired of talking about them. It gotten to a certain point it's tiring for others to hear her go on for hours. She can be rather obnoxious and whimsical at times, even if she tried to refrain herself from being too much. It just happens whenever Ra1ne felt joyful, excited and such if she's able to talk about a certain interest of hers. To add on to this, if she's a debator, she'll eat it up. Ra1ne can speak bullshit and making logical comebacks at the same time. I guess it just happens for her.

While she's all that, Ra1ne is an intelligent person. She's basically an encyclopedic knowledge of things she's obsessed with including the intuitive knowledge, and understanding of all areas governed by their morale. She just tends to dumb down the way she communicates with others so that she can avoid being seen as arrogant or know-it-all. She can be rational and think critically in most situations, however, she would depend on people's opinions before she form her decisions. Although Ra1ne is practically a genius, it isn't obvious because she purposefully make herself as insignificant to others. She finds comfort in being a follower rather than being the one to lead, she wouldn't speak up much unless it's necessary which is rarely cause she's easily entertained by how some individuals make their choices. She doesn't look down on anybody who is less smarter than her, she's more than happy to teach others what she knows actually. Ra1ne dislikes when she's getting challenged for her intelligence, how others trying to prove the fact she's 'dumb'. This intelligence can also make her perceptive, open-minded, and adaptive. Because of how she is, she's undoubtly passionate about the stuff she believes in. Additionally, this makes her a stubborn person whereas she stands by what she truly believes in, to the point it's grueling to even change her perspective unless it's a valid point. She's a painstaking person by nature, doing anything without effort is simply just not her. It's important for her to put at least some effort to show she cares.

She's kindaaaa benevolent, she normally don't have any malicious motive when getting involved with something or interacting with others. Nine times out of ten, she barely has nothing to do with mortals at all. The stuff she does half of the time, it's usually with good intentions and what she THINKS is 'morally good'.. This sorta depends because this positive part of her don't always surface, whatever her intention was, it's either for herself OR for others. I must admit she's a social chamelon, she subconsiously mimics the behaviour of others though it's habitually cause she's trying to improve herself even if it seems phony. Ra1ne can be wholesome, compassionate and amiable, albeit she is machiavellian. She can be cunning and manipulative, only when she thinks it's for the greater good. It just so happens that this is simply due to her having selective empathy & sympathy, this makes it really hard for her to empathized with people that aren't her loved ones.

Ra1ne can be self-destructive, though it doesn't happen occassionally, it still does. She's reckless enough to pull kamikaze tactics that could cause harm others in her surroundings. She doesn't indulge in the typical stuff, being high and tipsy, all that. She's more into a suicide plan whenever she's involved in a 'dangerous mission.' Hell, she would even kill herself because she's bored, lack of dopamine could make her really depressed hence it's the reason why she's always occupied with something, every single day, she HAS to pay attention to something otherwise she'll go back to 'her old ways'. She's suicidal, that's for sure, she doesn't hesitate when she's able to get herself killed. It gotten to the point that her way of life made her develop masochism (& sadism,,) to cope her emotional instability, not to mention pain and death was one of those that able to give her enough dopamine. It was ALSO another reason why she could experience high serotonin and norepinephrine.

Ra1ne is more prone to mood swings, and she's really confusing to interact with times to times. Sometimes, it feels like you're interacting with different people, or pieces in one person. She can behave strangely or out of characteristics, and she often have sudden changes in behaviour, reaction an responses to certain situations. However, I'm sure it's obvious that this is due to switching, although it can be subtle most of the time and could last for days. It could also happen instantly, for short periods of time or so. In the end, she's just.. living.

This contains heavy topic such as, substance abuse, depiction of CSAM, pedophilia, rxpe, abuse in general(emotional, physical, verbal, neglect.), does politic counts?(Mainly idealogy like communism, nazism, etc), ..religion?, self-injurious behaviour, etc.

This would obviously explain why Ra1ne is the way she is. I do NOT use these topics for shock tactics. I repeat that this is for the character's development and how Ra1ne grow and change as a person. This universe would be somewhat different from the real world btw.

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

Childhood

It all started when she was born, her biological mother died after giving birth to her. This left with Ra1ne and her biological father(William), at first, William is uncomfortable at the thought of taking care of a baby alone but he'll do anything to keep her safe and alive. Ra1ne's supposed name was believe to be 'Mikazuki Akamu' since her biological mother who is Japanese suggested while contemplating Ra1ne's name with William before birth. However, to keep Ra1ne's safety, she's named Raine William. Originally anyways. Focused on the father and Ra1ne, he makes it clear that he's willing to take care of her and keep her with him only, so he'd avoid putting unnecessary attention on Ra1ne. For more info about William, he's a convicted felon who has done several crimes in his age, it was bad enough that he has a bounty over his head. At first, he was supposed to be executed however, he escaped his fate before they got a chance to even kill him which explains the bounty. (one piece ah).

Days turns to weeks, weeks to months, he was able to keep Ra1ne as a secret from the public in his arms while he's out moving places-to-places with his.. 'friend group'. The only problem is that three of his friends immediately took noticed of Ra1ne's existence, normally, they wouldn't have any intention of taking care of children but the thought of messing with William's child? The thought was pretty fucking funny, plus, two out of three wanted to be a mentor for somebody. Ra1ne was the perfect target for them to teach about their beliefs. William weren't able to ask help from anybody and he's unable to keep an eye on her safety all the time, so he has to let them take care of her whenever he isn't around. The other three had their own views, principles, philosphy, ideology, you called it. A is a Nazi, B is a Japanese Mercenary, C is a communist that's also adhere to capitalism. They aren't exactly the best influencer for Ra1ne and they're inherently abusive in their own way including William who is a former Nazi soldier but he's just an enabler being with the three and not saying anything against them.

Ra1ne wasn't able to communicate with them well, So, her needs and her thoughts occasionally confuse the four guys. They would misunderstood what she wants and give her the opposite, this could also have an impact on her emotions. The men didn't hate her, infact, they were attached to Ra1ne however they had mix feelings about her exclude William. It's not like she was able to talk with anybody, it's more like she's getting isolated because they're always moving to different areas each day. Ra1ne was exposed to people dying, tortured and anything that shouldn't be appropriate for any kids to see but the group was encouraging her to see at some point to see how tough the real world actually is. It was frequent that she's grown desensitized towards them. The three (A, B, C) was starting to develop attachment to her the more they hang out, though that also means the more unhinged they are because they don't know how to show affections rather than teaching about their views and doctrine. She was equally confused by them as they are with her but she mentally noted. While it was okay between her and the group, I would like to mention that they are ALSO psychologically and emotionally abusing her if not somewhat physical. B being apart of the Japanese, he's the only one who's forcing her to train so she could toughen yet also proving to A that she's more to the Japanese side. It has been like that the moment she turned 5. The group constantly argue with one and another because they are forcing their crecenda on Ra1ne.

Even if the four men loves her, it doesn't stop them from being abusive even if they're not self-aware about it whatsoever. They love her enough. Enough to be subconciously harsh on her so she would be 'mentally and physically ready for the world'. That's what they believed, it's also because of how the group grew up making them think is acceptable to treat Ra1ne this way. A, B, C also has misogynistic and nationalism views, so the way they act and feel towards Ra1ne does a huge contradctions against what they believed in thereby they have mix feelings towards her. Nonetheless, they are somehow persistent to make Ra1ne think alike them and be a prodégé to their teachings. They're surprisingly, subconsiously supportive about her mixed ethnicity and sex but in a more problematic way that benefits them. Considering how Ra1ne grows up with guys like these, she often saw their inconsistency of how a mature person should act. She was always there to witness the group constantly getting into arguments because of her and this really burden her to see her idols fighting each-other. Since she does not interact with anybody but her father figures, she sees them as an inspiration , a role model. She lacks experience and she's trying to develop her sense of morality, these four has a huge impact on her childhood and the way grown up. Ra1ne unfortunately grew accustomed the way they teached her, she perceived it as normal and how it should be even though it hurts. Although she admires them, she's deeply traumatized by their tactics and them frequently dissmissing her emotional needs especially if she's in a vulnerable state. As she's hypersensitive, the group always pushes her boundaries and forcing the stuff she dislikes thinking it would help her get better. Well, not much.

Unlike them, Ra1ne is naturally a loyal person, so she loves her father figures even if they're abusive. She's just a naive, pure child who wants love, attention and affection from her parental figures. Ra1ne was TAUGHT that the treatment she received is tough love so she accepts it. Her isolation from other people is the reason why she doesn't know any better. The group are aware that they're isolating her from others, with that being said; it's only just for her safety, the group has a bounty over their head for goodness sake, the moment anybody outside the group are aware of Ra1ne's existence, she would get targetted too. Another thought in their head is that they assumed Ra1ne would be fine, growing up isolated from individuals. It's just too risky for her to involve with anybody during WW2. Ra1ne hasn't adopted their views YET, she has a range of knowledge about what they believed in though that doesn't mean she agreed with them or cared that much.

Years passed until she's 8 years old, when she's finally able to verbally communicate properly after having access to books at around 6-7 years old which improves her vocubalary. Ever since she was able to talk, the group was unawarely more harsher on her because they weren't used to Ra1ne communicating with them through verbal sense let alone being able to voice out her thoughts instead of blindlessly listen like a robot. It was mainly A, B, C that's unintentionally relentless in their response to Ra1ne speaking up, they perceived it as talking back and they dislike getting their beliefs challanged especially by somebody they're already so attached to. This made Ra1ne really confused and uncomfortable that she didn't respond to them verbally as much anymore, she felt unsafe talking around them, doesn't change her love for them either way. This age was also when she received a swastika symbol on her left forearm, A was the one who forcely tattooed on her arm as it was like a 'playful' secret between the two given their connection.

Although this is also where everything goes downhill and everything was overwhelming for her. Ra1ne frequently daydreams and imagined friends, seeing that she's isolated from everybody around her except for her father figures, making her feel lonely. This is why she develop a coping mechanism for her to basically go through the negative feelings and thoughts. This is where her paranoia started to developed where she FELT like she was getting watched by a lot of people, watching everything she does and hearing more than one voices in her own head. At some point, she's really confused about her own identity, in her body, she experience uneasiness since it felt like she was within somebody's else life or body. She barely even remembers anything in a day, she perceived it as a memory gap cause it really does seem like she was missing a piece of memory of hers she was supposed to remember but unable to do so. The group often noticed where she experience mood swings, a lot actually, and the sudden changes of behaviour and personality which really confuses the four because it doesn't seemed like Ra1ne wasn't even one person, more like different people in one body especially how they discovered she has sorts of reactions to something triggering, preferences, etc as if she's trying to regulate or balance these sorts of stuff.

This worsen when C was captured to be executed by the Firing Squad, then it was William that turns himself in for the sake of Ra1ne. His execution happened on public so him getting beheaded while Ra1ne witnessing it was not doing any justice for her mental health. As WWII was coming to an end, the Japanese finally surrendered which in that case made B feel humilated, to retain his dignity and avoid dishonor; he execute himself by slicing his lower abdomen open and disemboweling himself with a short sword(Seppuku). However, before doing so, he decided to hold Ra1ne before penetrating his sword on her back, making a long fatal injury across her spine that wounds the third layer of the skin. Leaving only Ra1ne and A grieving over their death, Ra1ne was the one who's visibly distressed and frustrated learning this fact. A being completely numb to their death, he wasn't able to react much but it's not like he's mocking their death either no matter how many times he declared his hatred for them. A didn't respond at first, while that's his brain trying to comprehand grief, he guide Ra1ne to his homeland where he grew up with William together before meeting B and C. The homeland was visibly intimidating, male-dominated, population of anarchists, full of violence, and the horrids, he decided to adopt Ra1ne and let his supposed family to take care of her despite his views of not letting any women within family. Ra1ne is the only exception.

While this is the first time Ra1ne interacted with anybody, she's actually willing. Though she's unable to speak, those people are strangers and she's anxious to even talk to them cause it just felt.. unsafe. The environment she's in is more hostile than she's used to it which is why she felt unsecured, leading to her avoiding them. Problem is that the house itself was sorta average but there's so many relatives within the house that everybody has to share a room. Ra1ne is obviously and clearly intimidated that she's getting surrounded with guys that she's unfamiliar with considering this is a huge family.. that are in poverty. The family itself shares some views that the same as A, which is Nazism, Authoritarianism, Nativism, Anti-intellectualism. Fascism, probably misogynistic, etc. Not exactly racial superiority because there's relatives that are adopted which are clearly another ethnicity and race.

It won't be long till she gets attached to the step-family, they're all equally hostile to one and another though it seems like that's how they show affectionate to each-other. Most of them are junkies, drugs, alchohol and smoke was the most visible stench when she first got in. She was already quick to handle the burden of the family's problem once she's associated with them. She took care of her step little brothers(Including middle and the eldest brothers), her nephews, her uncles. Ra1ne had to deal with their bullshit and this lead her to being burn out though she didn't stopped looking out for them. It's her loved ones, why would she stop taking care of them just cause she's mentally exhausted? I guess Ra1ne didn't had the time to regulate her emotions and the grieve of her father figure's death, she's too focused on THEIR problems rather than herself. A didn't really do anything but neglect the family including Ra1ne even though it's also his responsibility, he didn't do jack shit. His mental health disoriented that he drank his agony away, he couldn't even look at Ra1ne after what happened with the 'friend group'. Everytime she's nearby, A is always quick to be aggressive and hits her, although he promised he would changed. He didn't.

Adolesence

Nothing changed except her mental health worsening(Constant dissociation, etc) till she was around 13 physically. There has always been purges every 2-3 years, and this was nothing out of the norms, she was used to violence but she never really indulged to those stuff, she'd stay with her step-relatives. Though this time is different when she's out in the backyard to do something for her brothers, she was cautious about doing it since half of the population in the homeland are participating the purge which only lasted for 24 hours. While she's busy, one guy took advantaged of the opportunity to sexually assault her. After he was done, he had the intention of killing her. Before he could even do so, she reached for a shotgun next to her side, pulling the trigger almost reflexively. This experience scarred her mentality even further, solidifying her dissociation and symptoms. Ra1ne lacking knowlege of sex; this also confuses her a lot since she has never experienced it before or acknowledge it. It also doesn't helped that Ra1ne felt a sense of dread after taking somebody's life away from her hands, her humanity were starting to chirp away every damn year. From here, she noticed that the people are getting more violent so she doesn't exactly expects herself to sit inside and do nothing. It all started with manslaughter, until it turns into a genuine third degree murder of many.

After the purge, she didn't have time to self-reflect on what she did OR did she able to comprehand the trauma she went through. It doesn't matter how many times you witnessed death or torture of others or how desentisized you are towards it. The moment you killed somebody with your own hands, whether accidental or not, they wouldn't come back alive, ever. Just, a dead body and no response from them. This really frightened her, she was capable of doing something like this. How could her idols ever done anything like this? This made her scared of HERSELF. While being neglected by her family, she didn't really have good hygiene either, she often pushes herself so that she could her step-family out of this god awful environment. Due to poverty and patriarchy within her homeland, she's unable to attend to school and get her basic knowledge so for the sake of her family. She actually believe since she's not a 'virgin' anymore, she could sell herself out despite the fact that she was forced upon on, it doesn't count as being 'not a virgin'. Nonetheless, she went out to do prostitution just so she could gain at least enough money to provide enough resources for her step-amily. Her family members doesn't do shit, the growns up that earned money ended up paying substances that doesn't benefit all of them.

She's exhausted mentally working day and night that she doesn't see her family that much because she was busy trying to earn money. She's exposed to more fascist idealogy the more she goes out without anybody looking out for her, racism was the norm, anti-semitism, sexism too, everything was horrible howbeit Ra1ne gotten used to it at some point due to the fact it was the norm for her homeland. It isn't new to witnessed problematic doctrine and actions acrossed this specific area. This toxic and hostile environment done damaged to her views, soon she adapted this philosophy since nobody was there to protest against how problematic it is, She's seen as a sexual object during her sexual works, anybody that involved with her sexually should be jailed but they didn't received any ounce of punishment. Ra1ne felt dirty and filthy that her body is getting use to fulfilled sexual gradification by older people, mainly men knowing the homeland is male-dominant so seeing any women around is reasonably quite rare which is why she feels isolated mentally by being the opposite sex. It disgusted her that she had to do provocative poses for a photoshoot, or having to do anything sexually for money just because that she's restricted from working normally.

While working, she found herself being in a church just out of curiosity. The priest is fully aware that she's in a vulnerable state so he took advantaged of the fact, by saying sorts of stuff to convinced her to convert into catholicism which she did. Believing a higher being and the thought of having somebody to love her regardless is something she really needed specially the situation she's in. Ra1ne was not frequent in home because of attending church too, not only because of praying to god.. but also because the attention she received by the priests, bishops and deacons. Ever since her emotional needs and her much needed attention was always neglected by her guardians, she finally got those brought to fruition by them which is why she's quick to form attachment with them even if she's reluctant due to her upbringing. Ater they realised that she trusted them; Ra1ne ended up forcing herself to apply the teachings to herself until she was highly religious. It had gotten bad that she started to have religious psychosis, believing she heard the sound or saw the higher beings cause well, she's definitely hallucinating. This is one thing because this made her develop fear for the eternal hellfire. Knowing cellibacy, she felt ashamed of her body and it doesn't help that the people working for the church were shaming about her purity.

Instead of finding comfort and warmth like she's supposed to when they praised her for finding god, instead, she gets shamed and frowned upon on just cause of her situation. This makes her more guilty and embarrassed about herself, the choices she was FORCED to make cause she has no other choices. The choices she made only to help her loved ones, not out of selfishness. No matter how many times she begged for forgiveness, on her knees alongside her clasped hands and tilting her head down on the ground firmly to the point of bruising. There's no miracles like she hope for that would save her from this torture of a life. This somehow made her somewhat break out of her psychosis the moment she turned 14 physically when she stole books from library and find solance in reading, this may due to her thirst for learning anything new. But with the influence by her step-family and the people around her outside of the family, she's quick to be addicted to drugs, drinking and smoking. It was temporary distraction but it was everything she needs to get her mind out of the abusive household and the shitty area she's forced to live on. It had gotten pretty bad, and she would literally reach out for more because her intolerance would increase too. Anything strong. She doesn't care, she would be happy to die from overdosing but she didn't, she couldn't whatsoever, that doesn't stop her from trying more though.

Ra1ne is still working as a prostitute as a physically 15 year old, and she had obtained more knowledge. As a girl trying to survive and trying to earn bucks for the family, she has her fair share of pregnancy and then forcing herself to go on abortion, abortion is indeed illegal so she had to use a dangerous method to do it. Of course it left some marks, she really don't wanted to get pregnant ever again. Ra1ne never has desires of having a family, if she does, she would rather adopt rather than birthing 'another Ra1ne'. It was risky but she had to do a surgery on herself, with some pills, medications to increase her pain intolerance to get rid of her ovaries so that would she would be infertile. She was lucky enough to be alive after the procedure, she's not expert and this is her first time doing a surgery so she probably did lots of damage to her own insides After this, she actually give herself to recover from the surgery she performed on herself. While being in church, the priests and the others dislikes the attitude she was giving after she was with them for years. They weren't used to Ra1ne having lots of attitude and lot more disobedient, their tactics doesn't seemed to work on her anymore. What did they do? Fucking forcefully lobotamizing her brain, she didn't wanted to get her brain punctured, which is kinda why she's getting tied up to a chair for this.

This does numbers on her brain, and she wasn't able to function properly for the longest time. Ra1ne was easy to managed to control now she was lobotimized. She was like a vegetable at some point. But she isn't technically human, so her brain might be different from a normal human brain meaning she would be quick to be conscious after weeks passed. Problem is that the procedure makes her lack empathy, alongside her spotaneity, self-control, initiative and increased depth and intensity of their emotional response to her life. So she tends to have more outburst than usually, and she is deemed aggressive, if not violent. The time she recovered in her house is immediately cause a ruckus for the family to deal with. Not to mention it's the first time where she is abusive towards somebody she loves, she didn't mean to physically attack her older brother with a bottle that made him bleed from the head. This would startled everybody in the household to witness her suddenly being aggressive, they were even scared of her after what happened. It first felt good when she saw their fear in their eyes and expression, but it slowly subsided, realizing that her loved ones FEARS her the way she's terrified of herself. She's confused by her own emotions, and she couldn't really understand why she is the way she is.

Years passed, Ra1ne gotten into an argument with the step-family because her beliefs and internal thoughts clashes against their close-minded views. This made her felt hurt now she's aware that they can be self-righteous and self driven satisfaction, they would rather be ignorant and this hits her bad like a brick. Those times where she works her ass off, helped them in their vulnerable states, and trying to keep the family together from falling apart as a child. This frustrates her that they're being this ignorant, but it's how she grows up with huh? Taking care of the littles ones, even the older ones that are too childish and immature to even take any criticism. So all of this are just petty arguments, this lead to her storming out from her household. Ra1ne felt horrible that she did that, deciding she should come back only just to see the fire and smoke across the buildings. This made her rush towards the direction to her household, only to see the house being burned down. She was aware that her step-family also had bounties like her father figure, A. Most of them get into fights, but she didn't expected this. She was only physically 18 when they died, leaving only her alive.

She tried to distract the grief by prostituting even more, drinking, getting high, cutting herself, anything that would keep those thoughts out of her mind. But it keeps coming back, the way she process negative emotions makes her numb towards it. She just wished that she could took back every negative aspects she said to them out of anger, she wished that it was her that died and not them. It was really infuriating that her only purpose to live died. Leaving with nothing to live for, however, there's one thing that she wants to do before dying. That is, her becoming a soldier. The moment she physically turned 19, she works as a soldier rather than being a sex worker. It was definitely better to work for the military, though she had to disguise herself as a man to do so. She has to forged and fabricated documents and medical history. Ra1ne always acknowledged that being born as a man seems way easier than being born as a woman, would guys finally treat her as an equal if she was a man? Her conclusion was right. Half of the men working in the military treated her as an equal. It felt nice to be seen as an equal, acting 'masculine' comes naturally for Ra1ne especially if she grows up with men.

Adulthood

Ra1ne tends to use masks to secure her appearance around this age, mainly for her safety. Ra1ne's role is a Combat Medic, with additional training in intelligence analysis or SOF(Special Operation Force) support roles within the military. She then became a veteran around physically 23 years old after the Vietnam War.

Ra1ne finally got out of her toxic homeland, however, she doesn't exactly know how to be socially acceptable. So she tried to learn from others, though it comes out as weird for other people because she was acting like as if she's incapable of socializing normally. Ra1ne being lot more depressive than she was a kid, she's trying to chase more dopamine by basically deciding being a Yakuza, which makes her do sorts of dangerous tasks that she started to enjoy. Ra1ne even got traditional Yakuza tatoo across her back, specifically the Hannya Mask. She enjoyed whatever she's doing that involves with inflicting pain on others ESPECIALLY males, this is only because it felt like she's fulfilling the void of being powerful against men in general. Taking back the control where she's completely hopeless against them. This is when she also don't have more of those problematic thoughts, though I must admit she those have horrible intrusive thoughts; which she may or may not act on them. After quitting being a Yakuza, she even tried to do aggressive sports and collecting firearms and weaponry. She's still trying her best to heal mentally and emotionally, so she won't repeat the cycle of abuse.

MORE? :3 (PROBLEMATIC: I DO NOT GLAMORIZE, ROMANTICIZED OR CONDEMN THEM)